The Adoption Triad

You may — or may not — know if you’re part of the adoption triad.

If you’re a mother who surrendered your child, or children, for adoption, yes, you know.   If you’re a birth father, or grandparent, other relative — you may, or may not —  know.

If you’re an adoptive parent, yes, you know. If you’re a grandparent, sibling, or other relative, you probably know — but maybe not.

If you’re an adoptee, you, too, may — or may not — know.

There’s no “right” way to navigate membership in this club. Not everybody’s on the same page in the school of life. Some of us search for roots, and some of us don’t. No matter where we are on the triad, some of us are comfortable in our own skins, some of us aren’t. Some of us search, and find. Others search, and don’t find. Still others search, find, and must let go again. Some are found, and turn away. Others are found, adjust, and celebrate. Still others don’t know, have no need to know, don’t want to, or won’t know. And we’re all doing the best we can, not better, not worse, than the others. We all do it differently.

There’s suffering in every family, in every life. Being adopted is a different kind of lottery from being born into a family and staying there, so the suffering is different. Surrendering a child to adoption is a specific suffering, too; different from losing a child to death. And adopting a child opens a door to the suffering that comes from loving, as giving birth to one does.

The best tool for navigating our own suffering is to develop compassion for that suffering. As Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh says, You have a choice. Your thoughts can make you, and the world around you, suffer more or suffer less. If you want to create a more collegial, harmonious atmosphere in your… community, don’t start by trying to change other people. Your first priority should be to find your own quiet space inside so you can learn more about yourself. This includes getting to know and understand your own suffering. ~ Silence (Harper Collins)

That’s why I’ve begun to focus my astrological and other services on members of the adoption triad.

If that’s you, and my work appeals to you, contact me. Let’s talk.